Is it possible The Onion is snaking my stories? They don't take submissions so I don't send them anything but this makes me want to send them an email saying, What The Fuck? If you guys are going to rewrite my comedy then at least put me on the payroll. In fact, I will send them a link to this page. Thieves!
The recommended Onion page is: Man From Future Can't Stop Living In The Less-Far-Into-The-Future
Here's my story...
Monday, February 8, 2010
Man Travels Ahead One Day in Time
St. Louis, MOMike Getty reported a strange phenomena happened to him last week.
"I went to bed on a Monday and woke up on a Wednesday, but I'd only slept like 8 hours."
Mike is certain he didn't sleep through Tuesday because his coworkers at Starbucks Coffee said,
"I was being really funny on Tuesday, cracking jokes, flirting with girls. I don't remember any of that. So I assume I entered a random worm hole and time traveled."
When asked if he feels privileged to travel through time he said, No.
"To tell you the truth it doesn't feel any different. I mean, if it had been a year or two, that might be weird, but one day turns out to make no recognizable difference in my life. I bet I could skip up to a week before I noticed. Honestly, I don't even like Tuesdays. If I could skip every Tuesday from now on, that would be fine. I'd have no problem with that."
Mike reported that when he went to bed on Wednesday he left a note to himself reminding him to take the trash out on Thursday. When he woke up on Thursday he was disappointed.
"I thought it would be kind of cool to skip Thursday too. You know, no chores. But it was just Thursday again, like normal, and I took out the trash."
Mike said nothing like that had happened before.
"The closest I've ever been to time travel is watching Back to the Future. But I figure, whatever. It probably happens to everyone but they aren't paying attention."
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